first time tarot

April 2007

I was single, and dating.

This is always a tricky time, dealing with human hearts in a lawless grey zone, where no rules exist but those we hold ourselves to.

Well, that might be a bit dramatic, but you know what I mean.

I found myself in a situation I was increasingly uncomfortable with, seeing two women too regularly for it to be casual – while I wasn’t violating any rules, any promises, any stated expectations – I was nonetheless old enough to take some accountability for my responsibility to do no harm to those I lived alongside.  And deep down, I knew that I wasn’t really doing anyone right.

So when Becky – one of the two women I was dating – told me that she had done a tarot reading in which I had come up as the reversed King of Cups, I knew it was time to examine the situation and myself.

–

Always the skeptic, I found myself doubting that Becky had really even drawn that card for me … maybe she was just obliquely telling me that she knew? It was just too accurate … and I’d never had anything but scorn for tarot card readings and other forms of divination.

But it didn’t really matter, because regardless, it made me realize that I should be striving to date ethically, the same way I was increasingly striving to live in other areas of my life – if I was going to eat more humanely, I should also be living more in line with my spiritual inklings in all domains. To be a rogue and justify any damages done as “not my responsibility, I didn’t lie” had worked fine for me in the past, but it wasn’t going to fly with the transformed Self that I was busy creating.

—–

Although I had long been the harshest of skeptics about the tarot, now, in the post-teapot swirl of synchronicity, the way I was starting to see reality had room for all kinds of interconnectedness between mind and matter, external and internal realities. I was  sometimes even open to the idea that the universe itself was living, aware, and communicative. And in such a universe, tarot cards were a meaning-laden context into which synchronicity could very well flourish.

So later that evening, when I found myself feeling simultaneously utterly mystical and utterly upset about my dating situation, I decided I would try using tarot cards for the first time.

I took out the Waite-Rider deck that had somehow made its home in my sunroom and paced through my house, shuffling the cards and holding Becky in my mind, succeeding at this mental focusing in a way I am rarely able to do, aided by photos she’d taken, items we’d found together, memories of significant events.

After a couple minutes of this, I thought “WHAT AM I TO BECKY?” and laid three cards down face down, in a simple three card spread that Becky had taught me.

The first card would represent the Past answer to my question – “what WAS I to Becky?”

I flipped it over and it was quite accurate:

Very accurate, and the waters of life resonated with me as being similar to Lake Superior, which had been very bound up in our early relationship (we went there together the day after we met, and had returned there several times).

But it was the second card that floored me with synchronicity – the ‘Present’ card – the card answering the question “What am I to Becky now?”

Because the card I flipped over was the same card Becky had gotten for me, in that same position in the spread – and upside down (“Reversed”), the same way she’d drawn it – giving it the meaning “dishonest, double-dealing man; roguery, exaction, vice, scandal, pillage, considerable loss.”

The blood drained from my face – it was the first time I’d ever done tarot cards, and I’d gotten the exact same card that had thrown me into turmoil in the first place, leading me to dabble in tarot. I’d been feeling mystical, in the flow, sure – but this was a little bit much.

Then, numb, I flipped the Future card – “What will I be to Becky?”

After being stunned by the reversed King of Cups, I was extremely sensitive to this card – and it said to me, very clearly, that I was going to have an evil effect on Becky, if I did not change the Present.

In that moment, I had no doubt at all that the cards I got were meaningful, and not random coincidences. And even when I was slightly less certain, later on, I still knew that the message was true – and that a Devil was the last thing I wanted to be in her life.

So I ended our dating relationship shortly afterward. I apologized, and explained the tarot spread I’d gotten. The transition was rough for both of us, but I think we now both agree that it was for the best …

–

—–

Postscript:

Months went by, and eventually it became clear that the respectful ending had come in time to salvage my friendship with Becky (and with the other woman, who I’d also ceased dating).

Becky and I each went through other relationships – after a couple of years,  it became clear that we could try romance again – with an honest and open fresh start.

It’s been since August – and so far, so good …

(and she’s made me aware of several more positive readings of the “Devil” card!)

synchronicity

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